A little personal

They say that posture is key to showing your confidence. It's not usually a conscious thing, it just kinda happens that way. When you're self conscious you tend to hunch your shoulders and cower. When you're confident and open, your shoulders are back and your head is lifted and your chest is out. It just happens. I realize that my posture, even at the gym, is broadening. I can feel my body's confidence in itself which is a really bizarre and cool feeling. But I feel this confidence in other ways too.

Today I wore my new size 14 jeans and felt svelte. I also bought a new green cardigan so it was the first time in a while I was wearing something that actually fit correctly. I went to the theater to work and I just felt fantastic. I couldn't stop smiling at customers and conversing with colleagues. Normally I'd find any reason to have a moment to myself or read so I didn't have to make awkward small talk. But I'm doing less and less of that now. I find I usually smile on my face.

The most prominent place I realize this growth in confidence is with men. Even though I'm on a break from dating, I still check guys out: at the gym, at the theater, in passing, etc. I used to pass an attractive guy and immediately slump to avoid eye contact. "He's out of my league. He'd never find me attractive," I'd think. I never believed I had a chance with any guy, even those less gifted in the looks area. Now? With my head held high, I can check out an attractive man and think "How can I grab his attention? I bet I could get him to check me out." What a change from before! I no longer see men as these unattainable fantasies. And I know that while I probably have another 60 lbs to lose, the confidence I'm exuding will attract them to me before I reach that goal. Heck, it's even happening now.

It's superficial and it's silly, but it's something that I've wanted to change for a long time. I never wanted to look at a guy and think "I could never get him" again.

THAT, my friend, is progress.