After work today, I went shopping for wedding shoes for my friend, Rose, who will be getting married in October. I went along to help her out because sometimes she needs help deciding things. I just love helping other people shop because I seem to be good luck for them! We go to DSW shoes and afterward I wanted to go to Ross Stores to find an outfit for a wedding I will be attending next weekend. Four hours later, I'm almost $200 poorer but brought home a clutch, two pairs of heels and a dress.
I used to hate shopping. Malls literally depressed me. I would go in to find something or just to look around and would come out hating myself and sometimes crying. Nothing ever fit that I tried on. If I was being honest with myself, sometimes I would try on things that were a size too small because I simply could not accept that I had gained more weight and some things just looked terrible on me when they did fit. I was ashamed to be shopping in stores like Torrid and Lane Bryant and feeling the eyes of passerbys watching me go in or out and was embarrassed to even carry the shopping bag around with me after a rare purchase. I wouldn't go clothes shopping for myself unless I brought another big-boned friend with me. I hated to drag my skinny friends into a "Fat Store".
Companies design clothes for bigger women with either large stomachs or large chests. I have neither really, so trying on shirts was always a big frustration. If I don't fit into the clothes in regular stores, and the clothes in the "Fat Store" don't fit me right, how am I supposed to cover and hide my body attractively? Well...I didn't really.
After losing 35 lbs, I realize how significant a loss it is. Not only am I proud to put on clothes that are two-three sizes smaller than I'm used to, but I'm finding that I have more choices. I'm getting bolder in my fashion choices too because I'm not as afraid to draw attention to myself. This evening I bought a teal dress that I will wear with purple pumps and other purple accessories (clutch, earrings, bangle, etc.). At my heaviest of 240 lbs, I never would have felt comfortable wearing such bold colors and making a fashion statement with these contrasting colors. My entire wardrobe, up until a few months ago, was all black. "Black is slimming."
With this transformation, not only am I regaining confidence to express my playful personality with things like purple high heels, but I'm gaining color in my life. When I wear colors, I feel better. I feel more alive. When I wear black, I feel more serious and find that I'm almost mopey all day. Black can be a power color, but not when you wear it daily. It's just something I never thought about changing with this lifestyle alteration I'm making. It just kind of happened.
It feels good not to live in black and white anymore :)
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