Deliver us from evil

To say that I was in a bad mood this evening might be an understatement. I believe the words "pissy" and "stabby" may be more appropriate. A whole bunch of things came to a head at once and made me temporarily lose my mind. Today was the first day I really did not want to go see my trainer and had absolutely no desire to train.

Here's the issue with that.... once I did get to the gym, I decided abusing my body was the way to make me feel better. "Maybe if I'm really tired when I get home, I won't stress anymore." Well. It kinda worked. Except now I'm upset instead of angry. Apparently depression is anger without enthusiasm.

Before starting the keto diet, if I found myself emotional eating, I would have one of two reactions: A) continue to emotional eat and mope all evening ashamed of myself or B) go to the gym for a long long time repeating the mantra "i don't deserve to eat" until my legs were jelly. I once told my trainer, Shane, of this sort of activity to which he said, "That's called a mental disorder, Gina."

How do we teach ourselves to take the bad with the good instead of punishing ourselves? When we get upset or angry, why do we turn to food for comfort? And if not gluttony, why do we abuse our bodies instead of taking some form of healthy alternative? I'm so far into this mentality, that I can't even think of a healthy alternative to take out some aggression and pain.