Evidence of Progress

Yesterday must have been one of the craziest and busiest days I've had in a few months. I figured with a training session first thing in the morning, a wedding and a bridal shower in three different parts of NJ that I'd surely be cheating on my diet. Lo and behold...

I packed a cooler (as per a suggestion from roomie, Kathryn) with some chicken and protein powder. I cooked the chicken and cut it into nugget-size pieces so that I could eat them as I was driving from one event to the other. By the time I left for the wedding ceremony in Trenton at 12:30, I had already had my first and second meal of the day. After the ceremony ended just before 3:00 pm, I jumped in the car and drove the 45 minutes to Southampton for the bridal shower. On the way, I ate one of my packs of chicken. Upon arrival, I ate a cup of the only green vegetable I could find, cucumbers. At 5:30, I hopped back in the car for the hour and twenty minute drive to Bridgewater for the wedding reception. On this car ride I ate my other packet of chicken and then when the time came for the dinner buffet, I took a heaping bowl of salad to tide me over. I drank water and a vodka with diet soda (b/c i'm allowed clear liquor) but I felt basically fine. The wedding cake and some pastries came out for everyone and I was very tempted by that, but I find that if I savor the smell of these things it's as good as eating it without any guilt. Okay..it's not as good as eating it. But if it's between smelling it a lot like a freak with no guilt or eating some and obliterating my diet, i'm going with the guiltless option. Then on the drive home from Bridgewater, I ate my protein powder which was the last meal of the day.

Let's remember that Project 23 is not just about dieting and exercise. It's also about bettering myself as a person and becoming more social and happy. Yesterday was definitely evidence of my growth in these areas (Side note: Funny that my inner self needs to grow, while my outer self needs to shrink). At the ceremony, I walked in in my fabulous teal dress and purple heels and lavender coat with my purple clutch and just felt dynamite. One of the groomsmen escorted me to my seat and I sat alone, an entire pew to myself, for the ceremony. Old Gina would have felt very uncomfortable and self conscious through the whole ordeal. This New Gina apparently revels in doing things alone. I sat there, happily, taking my pictures, stood, sat and kneeled with everyone else and I got teary-eyed when the bride and groom got choked up on their vows. Yet this whole time, I felt nothing but contentment reveling in the reason I was there: the joining of two people in holy matrimony. The focus in my head was only for Natalie and Jay as I watched it all happen. A welcome change from the focus of "Who's looking at me and judging me? Who thinks I look fat in this dress?". (Side note: Funny that taking care of myself and doing a lot more things for me results in thinking less about myself in social situations)

At the bridal shower, I flew in in a frenzy and changed into jeans so that I could mingle with as many friends and family members as I could before I had to leave 2 hours later. Apparently my Aunt has been following my facebook statuses and updates about my fitness regimin and immediately inquired about the details. My grandparents, who I haven't seen in a while, commented quite a few times on how great I was looking. Kelly's family members were all happy to see me as well as commenting on how much weight I must have lost. EVERYONE seemed to have something to say. It just boosted my confidence through the roof. I felt interesting and charming with everyone I came across. I caught up with my cousins, Vinnie's friends, other family members and close friends of the family. However soon my time was up and I had to change back into my teal dress and heels to get back to the wedding reception in north jersey. In a whirlwind, I said my goodbyes.

Back at the reception and cocktail hour, the few I knew picked up the compliments on my appearance. All positive ego boosters. Even though I was the only single person sitting at a table of three other couples and often sat alone during a slow dance, I felt no loneliness or shame in this. So I didn't have a date to a wedding. So I wasn't dancing. Big deal. The song "You're nobody til somebody loves you"came on and I just found myself laughing. So silly to assume that b/c you're not in love that you're any less of a person. I did dance with some friends and had a great time just enjoying all the love and happiness in the room. I found myself taking pictures and smiling as I watched other people dance and Natalie and Jay have the night of their lives. It was the first time I went to a wedding and got teary-eyed with happiness and only happiness.

At no point over the course of the entire day did I feel lonely or insuffiicient because I lacked a boyfriend, fiance or husband. I finally was living in the moment instead of feeling self conscious over the things I lack. Now I can't WAIT for the other weddings to make more great memories!