Embarassed

Oh my god....I'm looking at picture from my trip to Europe in late April. Thirty-seven pounds ago!


What took me so long???? Dear God why did I get so big? What happened to me??? WHY DID IT TAKE ME TWENTY THREE YEARS TO TAKE CONTROL OF MY BODY!??!?!

It just makes me want to cry, looking at these photos. I have all these great memories and I'm either the person taking the pictures so I don't have to be in them or I'm in the pictures hating what I see. You can just tell I'm not happy...

I'm so ashamed of myself for it getting so out of control. And I'm so scared that it could happen again. I'm afraid because I don't know why it never sunk in until this past year and I'm afraid that it'll never be enough and I'll never reach goal. I just can't keep saying it in my head....How did this happen??? Why???

I just never thought I was capable of losing weight and I never thought I was capable of being thin. Yet I look back on some pictures from my younger years and realize that I really was just thicker than the "pretty popular" girls in middle and early high school. I wasn't really actually fat at that point. And then the pounds just kept piling on until it added up to this. I'm just in shock looking at myself in all these pictures....why did I do this.

I have no idea how much weight I can afford to lose before I look skeletal but I'm going to do my best to get to 140 lbs. At a height of 5'8, that might work okay.