Revision

I don't know what it is, but I find that at night I just take a turn for the worst in my mood and there is no reconciling it. I just wind up going to bed angry or upset and sometimes wake up that way the next day still. And there's never a real trigger for it, it just happens. It's very frustrating for me and anyone other poor schmo who winds up having to witness it in person or via AIM.

So let's revise last night's ranting post...

I will not abuse myself at the gym today. However, I will work hard at the gym today since I have neglected to go for four days. I will go for at least an hour and a half and two hours if I can manage. I will also start using my FitDay online food journal again b/c I'm tapering off my diet and need to keep track of how many carbs I'm taking in per day. I don't want to do too much too fast or my body will retaliate.

The yoga and at-home ab workouts I plan on doing? I'm going to start those this weekend. This is the first weekend I really don't have much to do (Saturday: Gym session at 9 am, Semi-Formal Barmitzvah Pub Crawl in the evening, Sunday: Friend's recital at 5:30) so I can figure out exactly how long these yoga videos are that I have and figure out which ab exercises will benefit me most.

At work I have a few duties that require regular attention. I need to be sure to send out certain letters on a regular basis and take care of audition confirmations and follow up with people about visits. So I made myself a weekly Daily Task schedule. On Mondays I do confirmations, on Tuesdays I do letters, on Wednesdays I do visits, etc. I've decided that's a good idea for me to have at home too to make sure I optimize my time. It seems a little rigid, but I work best when I have a routine and a schedule. This way I'll be able to figure out what days I will do yoga, what day I will do at-home abs, what day I will clean, what day I will do laundry, what day I will grocery shop. I really think it's the best way to make sure I get things done that I need to. Otherwise I'll keep pushing it back and I'll find up buying salads from Wawa and wearing clothes that are too big b/c I have nothing left that's clean.

I can do this. I just need to stop freaking out on myself. I think I'm ultimately scared that I'm not tapering off this diet right and that I'm just going to gain all this weight back immediately which is the last thing I want. So the way to manage is to just give myself some routine and discipline. I have got to get myself under control.