Failure is not an option

Five months. Five months is about how long I've wasted. For some reason, having a boyfriend made me completely lose sight of myself and all the things I wanted. I fell into a depression and a rut that I could not fight my way out of. Don't get me wrong...I'm not saying it's his fault. It's completely my own. I let things get out of control and I didn't time manage well enough to do everything I needed to do for myself. Or maybe I just wasn't ready to be dating while I'm still working on myself. Either way...I failed to hold onto what was making me happy.

My last few posts have been few and far between and all saying the same thing. "Back on the wagon, back on the wagon." Same tune, different words. I felt myself self destructing at the drop of a hat and I reached another breaking point. And it's not the same as the past "I'll do better" half-assed attempts have been. This feels true. I know this is real because I've set new goals for myself and my eating habits are better without me dreading what I'll do without proper preparation. I feel ready. I don't know why I had to start all over, but I feel ready again. That wasn't true before.

My mental state was a lot of the reason I couldn't pull out of the rut. I'm only two days out of this rut, but it's enough to know its real. A lot has happened since my last post. And I'd like to post each thing separately so that I can blog daily again. But this feels legit. And this feels right. I want to finish what I started.

Project 23 continues...